NEW BEGINNINGS

So, over the summer I had revealations about my future and where I feel I should be within this point of my life. Currently I am a sophomore at FAMU in Tallahassee, FL and I have high expectations of myself and I'm looking forward to the necessary changes to achieve my goals of becoming successful in Journalism. Still on the fence about weather I would like to major in broadcast or Magazine Journalism but one thing that I''m certain about is making a difference within people's lives and encouraging them to become greater than themselves. A quest of paying it forward I guess because when I saw that movie with Jodie Foster, Kevin Spacey and Joel Osteen it really moved me. This is a very inspirating film about reaching out to help others and creating a spiritual connection between human beings, in my opinion. It feels so good to actually know that your helping other people and it feels good when people help you and it produces a general positive feeling. Not many people are able to experience that and it makes so much sense to me now how important volunteering is to your community.

Today was my first class Language Skills for Media which is an essential class within Journalism. This was bitter/sweet because I know that this now the start of my career and

I have to actually know and understand all of this material which requires immense dedication.

Summer's End

Even though I have two weeks until I actually get back to school I am leaving New York in three days. There really isn't so much of a bitter sweet feeling because in actuality I am ready to leave, ready to get on that plane and fly away from the Yonkers aka the black cloud. I mean this summer has been truly a summer of revamping, numerous mind states, epiphanies, mending and ending relationships. I cut ties and knotted some together, life is what it is, you learn and grow. I still have alot of growing to do and steps to make. To be exceptional you can not whaddle in the middle because the middle is mediocrity. When you are mediocre you are put in the bottom box and you are not near the top, you can not smell the creme of the crop. Life consists of numerous groups and being the middle group I've realized is the same as settling. I know there are times when you do have to settle but I refuse to be mediocre; I refuse to not take this big step in my life that separates me from the crowd. My quest this fall is to become exceptional, to follow my career and find people who represent how I feel. More to come I am no longer in fear of the top, I will thrive I will be success in everything I do. Make sure you surround yourself with people that are socially aware and are intune with their aspirations. I am ready to enhance more art of learning and living

Love Always. Laugh Hard. Live Strong.

The Phoenix

Starting From Scratch & Then Some

I have been in New York for the whole summer looking for jobs, emailing poetry cafes to TV stations. I have worked hard trying to make connections, taking breaks and even feeling hopelessly lost in this cut throat world of media. It feels like there are big doors that I can't find and forget about looking for a key. So, volunteering was my next option but I started thinking about money for transportation which comes to a job. I wanted to come back to campus polished, accomplished and to have an essential experience. As my favorite singer Aaliyah says, "If God Gave You Talent You Should Go For It. But don't Think It's Going To Be Easy, It's Hard". This is true but if you find the right connections everything will run much smoother but when you feel like your connections are short or fizzled out, then what? Look for a model, look for someone who has done it all, look for someone who is where you would like to be. Everyone blazes their own path but that does not mean you can not follow until you find your own. I am not saying go out into the world as a copy cat of your model but watch what they do and create a similar blueprint. My mother has told me how to achieve my dreams; she has given advice but it takes time to go through everything. Sometimes words sound so easy when you write or speak about them but action is everything. On my way to becoming the polished young woman I can see in my eyes and feel in my heart. I will make it, I'm ready to drive but I'm in search of a vehicle.

Never give up even when you feel like that door is closed because that door may not be ready for you to open. You may be a level up and skipped a task or two which will aid to finding the magic key to open the door.

The Phoenix

A GIRL'S LIFE IN 2010

So I'm analyzing the relationships of the youth and there is no foundation. No basic respect for any one's feelings, no commitment to that person, let alone love. There are varies types of girls but right now I am analyzing the girls that get attached to the the aspect of a relationship. They may want a relationship but they have never defined what makes up a relationship so they always find themselves in a somewhat hole. I call it a hole because they have to jump into in, fall into it or maybe pushed and they must dig themselves out. Digging out takes time because no matter how deep sometimes they just can't get out. They keep falling in that hole and mistaken it for a relationship. It takes an outsider to give them a rope and pull them out and sometimes someone may take a ladder and carry you out. A relationship takes a lot of giving and compromises but depending how deep even sacrifices. Some women forget their best interest at heart and they need that special person to make them whole or to feel wanted. But they should not make you feel whole unless this is love which is another subject. This person should make you feel like an improved version of yourself and even if they leave you they have showed you steps to become a better person. People have forgotten the definition of a true relationship and sometimes even a friendship. Please know the difference between hurting and helping,know the difference a friend and lover, know when to let go and hold on, know when to jump in but most importance how to get out. Everything has a time limit or an expiration date, things get old due to maturity and time. Just know when you have matured and it's time to let go. Keep your hearts close, eyes open and sometimes legs closed but mind always thinking.

The Phoenix

Procrastination (Maybe It's The Id)

Only one month and one day left until my summer is officially over; I'm thinking maybe I should of just stayed in school this summer. This whole summer I have searched for internships and jobs; in my opinion i have been working pretty hard for my summer dreams. It's just very depressing when you keep working and you look for your results and for some reason you can't find them. I shake my head, for the first time in my life I was going to give up my dreams and that's something I have never done before. It felt awkward to feel like you should be doing something productive but you let procrastination control you with idle thoughts. Becoming an idle mind is the devil's workshop and I made a promise to myself I would never become idle. My mom's joke was "Maybe you have the Id",that was not even funny, maybe it was true. But thinking about it now Id is only caring for self not procrastination. Energy is a low odd because I'm taking vitamins, maybe I need my oils and salmon but I don't know. Confusion leads the front lines this summer and I despise every minute. Furthermore I still have not told him what he needs to hear, I'm saying actions speak louder than words. He doesn't even speak anymore and I'm looking for something more entertaining because he definitely isn't it, maybe he was in the beginning. But it's completely opposite now, as always insatiable, trying to find the light so I can shine.

The Phoenix

LOVERS AND FRIENDS 2010

I believe that there are people in your life that you meet to early and sometimes too late. Some people you will become friends with and lovers later or lovers before friends and maybe both. In my life currently I feel that we are too early, we are connected in some form but we have found each other too early. So I let go, you let go and we will return to each other later. My feelings for you are for who I know you can be so when I speak to you I speak of the future not our past relationship or our present. This does not mean speed up the process of who you are for me; you must do that on your own. I cannot give all of myself to you and I should not. I have goals and priorities I must attend to that make me who I am. If I stop for you how can I grow as a person? How can I be the woman I must be? They always say build yourself up before you can be with another person. This is so true. I was never a person to look for a relationship; I always thought that it comes when it comes so why rush it? So why rush this? Everyone always hates the “we can be friends” and they forget there is later on. So in the words of Erykah Badu “Another Lifetime”.

The Phoenix

Job Hunt

A job hunt is when you run around like a maniac looking for a job; it can be part-time. temporary, full-time it doesn't matter. It's still a hunt for a job and currently I have been filling out applications for a month and this so called waiting process is not helping. I have emailed numerous places for internships, I mean I was gun-hun for a paid internship but now I don't care about money, I truly want experience. When you have experience in your field you can analyze what you have learned and you can ask yourself "Is this something I love doing"? I can't even ask that because I have no experience and I would think people love molding young minds but I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm too late. Deadlines have passed but I'm hoping for a miracle. I love words, how they flow together, how they make someone feel emotions. Communication is extremely important because that is how we form relationships. I would really like the chance to live out my dreams or at least revamp my dreams through numerous experiences that I've had. At least one month or something, life always gives you roadblocks but you have to find the tools to make a bulldozer. I love my life but always remember to be insatiable because it's apart of growing and exploring. It's the only way to open the mind.

The Phoenix