Saturday, September 18, 2010


With everything in front of me glittering and shiny sometimes I may take a dull item and I wonder why everyone else refuses to accept its beauty. Is it me I wonder? do I love going against the grain? Am I truly a coping of essential woman that gave me life. Am I her? Is she attatched to me so strongly I was never me? I never wanted to be the ugly girl, the beautiful one, the ditzy one or the strong one that takes hard work to break. I wanted to be the mysterious, girl next door that everyone always says is really laid back and easy to talk to; I mean don't get me wrong. I am that girl but sometimes I look around and I know, I just know I'm better than label. I mean labels and me well they use to never exist but for some reason they are creeping in slowly. I have a debate on whether this is good or bad. Change is essential to growing, living and loving; change can not be ruled out. I wonder sometimes is it the woman emerging from inside, is it the woman telling me that this old rules in mind must diminish for growth. I am not one full with vunerablity, that's only for trustworthy people. I have know idea it seems lately I'm in need of more like there is something that is missing, I'm thinking it has to do with social or career moves. Even making my career a sucessful one by being more social. It just seems so unreal to me and something like that I would need to truly act out. Everyone in the 21st century is great at lying and I have realized that's the way life works. There are so many skills I have not learned yet and it makes me realize I am growing. These are not skills you can learn from your parents but they are skills you learn from mentors and associates. So for now I am looking for life and learning to live.

Love "Inspiring" Phoenix

Friday, September 3, 2010

Reread, Corrections, Revise,

There are many aspects of my life that I feel are loose or need to be re tied tighter. College allows you to experience varies peoples' lives in a short period of time and this is an essential part of living. When you are analyzing yourself do not belittle yourself for ignorance, everything is a learning process. If you don't use what you learn then there is a problem because you're not living.
I've learned I am a strong person but I'm not the type to ask for help constantly because i want to solve my problem on my own. But when you solve everything by yourself you can never learn another way, possibility a quicker way. "No one follows the rules and rules are made to be broken", my mother always tells me, and all the wisdom my parents hold are now coming into retrospect. Since their wisdom is now the highlight of my life this means I am truly am an adult, looking out and protecting for myself. Sometimes I may overwhelm myself with the steps of growing up because I see some many people and I feel they hold characteristics that I feel I all ready should have, basically I'm playing catching up with life.
I'm unsure of where to start and I'm feeling as though it's impossible but I know that is lie. I'm working on rebuilding and becoming a greater woman because I know where I'm suppose to be in my life, I see it clear as day, I'm so sure. I'm just looking for the path and people that guide me there. I might have to take an acting class to become someone else to block my barriers of succeeding. Everything takes a different path to get to a red light but who takes off first when the light turns green is ahead of everybody.

The "Thinker" Phoenix

Wednesday, September 1, 2010



Being a virgin, sex is not like candy you can't just pick one and try it. I mean you try the wrong one and you'll get more than a bitter after taste. So I think it's better to wait until you find someone you truly love and not lust after because you're wondering can he make your body shake. Most importantly what can he do for your mind, how does he treat your spirit? I think it may be difficult for some when they reach the nirvana with a man, that satisfaction and then they wonder why they got burned. Yes it was a mis step or what have you but at least learn for it, I mean the same high in sex you can get that when reaching a goal. It's all about your mind state because when you are totally focused sometimes you won't even think of sex. Sex is apart of life just don't misuse it or abuse it because it does create a life...the phoenix