MISSING

With everything in front of me glittering and shiny sometimes I may take a dull item and I wonder why everyone else refuses to accept its beauty. Is it me I wonder? do I love going against the grain? Am I truly a coping of essential woman that gave me life. Am I her? Is she attatched to me so strongly I was never me? I never wanted to be the ugly girl, the beautiful one, the ditzy one or the strong one that takes hard work to break. I wanted to be the mysterious, girl next door that everyone always says is really laid back and easy to talk to; I mean don't get me wrong. I am that girl but sometimes I look around and I know, I just know I'm better than label. I mean labels and me well they use to never exist but for some reason they are creeping in slowly. I have a debate on whether this is good or bad. Change is essential to growing, living and loving; change can not be ruled out. I wonder sometimes is it the woman emerging from inside, is it the woman telling me that this old rules in mind must diminish for growth. I am not one full with vunerablity, that's only for trustworthy people. I have know idea it seems lately I'm in need of more like there is something that is missing, I'm thinking it has to do with social or career moves. Even making my career a sucessful one by being more social. It just seems so unreal to me and something like that I would need to truly act out. Everyone in the 21st century is great at lying and I have realized that's the way life works. There are so many skills I have not learned yet and it makes me realize I am growing. These are not skills you can learn from your parents but they are skills you learn from mentors and associates. So for now I am looking for life and learning to live.

Love "Inspiring" Phoenix