Wednesday, October 20, 2010


My emotions are always sporadic when incidents like this appear ever few months but my eyes always have the same emotion of sadness. My heart aches; how do you send your son to college out of state and receive him in a body bag? It's harsh reality of police brutality and what makes it worst is that it is so ubiquitous with black males. Black males are so rare, so strong, so distinct but they are taken from this earth daily and I shed tears every time because I know that's one less father, one less son, one less brother, one less nephew or uncle erased too soon. These incidents can easily cause trepidation or mutiny in a young black male's eyes whenever he sees "the boys in blue" because he may think of what his parents or mother has told him, to obey the law, stay out of trouble or cooperate with the officer. It is a shame to walk out your house and feel unprotected towards police because sometimes their judgment cannot be trusted. They are supposed to protect civilians but instead too many times we are mistaken for a criminal. This mistaken identity always causes the innocent to die; the ones that were trying to stay away from the situation. RIP Danroy Henry a 20-year-old football player from Pace University. I know you were innocent, I know you probably had that look I your eyes that I must obey the office and follow instructions. I know my condolences cannot bring this young man's life back along with Amadou Diallo, Patrick Dorismond, Timothy Stansbury Sean Bell and Ayana Jones. Also condolences to the lives lost in similar situations but their story did not make it to the paper but it was left at the crime scene. I wish guns didn't hurt and words can heal but that is not the way the world works. Police departments really need to sit down with their officers and have a psychiatrists on call because I know they endure a lot on a daily basis and they are all on edge. The only way to reduce the police brutality incidents is to make sure officers have a time where they can release their problems because this is an oppressive situation. Officers adrenaline are pumping at the scene but that adrenaline takes the life of innocent people and I can't cry anymore for this because crying doesn't help only making a difference does.
The "Emotional" Phoenix
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The "Emotional" Phoenix

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Saturday, October 16, 2010


I used to know this girl. She was the fashionable out of the two of us. I think of her often, she left me or maybe I left her; we stopped talking in 2006 when I moved. But our distance grew in 2007 when I couldn't seem to contact her, the person I missed the most. I lost her in my methods of assimilation, she forgot and I couldn't remember our friendship. It seemed like an alternate reality. Looking for comfort and love I didn't noticed she got packed away in an unopened box in the living room written with the name Precious. Maybe that was her when the mic to my beloved karaoke system broke. It was her when I wore my brown boots in the dirt, it was her when I ran on that track during vigorous practices, it was her when I wore a fanny pack. It was her and sometimes when I realized I lost her I look in the places where we enjoyed each others company the most. I catch a Jetblue flight to the Big Apple in search of her, sometimes I find her sometimes I don't and most of the times she doesn't back with me on the plane. She is my fourteen year old self, when I fall a look for pieces of her to cover my scars. She was a different kind of artist from I am now she was conscious but never truly had time to think as meticulously as she does now. She was free and she was unaware of peoples' harsh motives, so I guess you can say she was blindfolded and deaf but not naive. I miss her so I look for her every summer even december if I can in the Big Apple where we enjoyed each others company the most. So what is happiness the days when we reunite or the days where she is forgotten and I just live my life.

The "Lost" Phoenix

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Late Night Listener

Remember when I use to text you

Hours before dawn

When sleeping kids dream of beautifully painted pictures

Before the roaster croaks

Before when you held on to every word I type like it would be the last time you read it

Remember that

Well I reminsce my love of the late night listener

I ramble on about life and my expectances

And you agree or throw in your two cents

But one night I stopped

I stopped telling you my thoughts because I wanted to become your late night listener

Sadly my inbox was empty

Your thoughts did not fill one line

My sent messages of questions invaded your mind

Was I asking too much?

Can a listener ever talk?

I let my listener go one night

But he never came back.

Friday, October 1, 2010


First of all this might be the longest blog ever but this is because this is another experience in my life that I have learned from, it's so interesting this tricky game of chess. I have no idea where to start except if you know the type of person I am, you know I am quiet but I have a lot of heart and I am very generous. I make the craziest facial expressions when I agree disagree or when I'm uninterested. Last year at FAMU I was in the cafe and I was having a conversation with these two guys on how the view girls. This was the most funniest conversation I have had and it was so real, there was no sugar-coating. They just told me how they felt especially there reaction when they get rejected. You know what I agreed that rejection does hurt your ego but to lash out and insult the girl well that was just unacceptable. They guys explained to me when they are trying to talk to a girl their attention grabber is "Aye Girl". Now "Aye Girl" to me, in my eyes is annoying because number one that is not my name. I know you are trying to get my attention but you could say excuse me how are you doing? Sometimes none of that works but I would rather hear "Hi, how are you doing" more than "Aye Girl", "Lil' Mama","Sweetheart" or the infamous "Come Here Girl". These terms are so broad and sometimes depending on the tone so disrespectful. But if the male does not get the response that he wants because he has put his self out there, all hell breaks lose. The terms become vulgar or physical by a pull of your arm, which is disrespectful to a lady because she does not know you.
So back to topic when a male's ego is hurt him lashing out is a way for him to feel better about his rejection. But when they are ignored with no response at all well then the girl is called stuck up which not necessarily true. She could just not want to be bother with a conversation, she wants you to get out of her face or the one everyone seems to ignore, shyness. Some guys fail to remember every girl is not the same, not every girl is the type to go toe-to-toe with insults, not every girl is going to sit there and flirt with you, bat her eyes and give you her number. Some girls just want you to leave them the ___ alone. No girl can be placed in a box, no girl is the same so your approach with every girl should fit her personality. Most importantly as hard as rejection is you have to end it on a positive note.

The "Boxless"Phoenix