Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I always liked group discussion; or so I thought I did. I realized I like listening more; everyone seems to be intune with each others thought process. There's a mutual understanding of where everyone is coming from but then there's me. I watch everyone's opinions flow out so effortlessly like they have answered these questions before, like they're an expert. No one is an expert because even an expert is still learning. Everyone says their piece and I wonder why I still to feel isolated; why can't I relate: I am different. I am the person people would call pure because I have not been through an episode of "16 and pregnant"or "When I Was 17". I do not have the scars on my body that show the pain of a miscarriage, the pain of an ex-boyfriend, the pain of living on edge at the age of 14. I do not know what that feels like but I scruntize the pain rooted deeply in their eyes, splling out of their hearts. They search for answers in dark corners and confide in people who are only a step away from their own situation. Where are the adults: No where. These men and women at the age of 20 still struggle with the dark mistakes and pain of when they where ten because no one was wise enough to lead them. And still there is no one wise enough to lead them now but they are too stubborn and they insist on figuring things out. And when stubborness takes course it is too late; too late for chastisizing.
The discussion of this round circle is a little overwhelming I have no expertise in this type of pain; the room is silent. I want to say something but what can i say without making them feel guilty. In one way it's not their fault because a family, a stable family is suppose to be there. When you scrape your knee, they are suppose to be there. When you made a mistake, they are suppose to be there. It's so common to go down a dark road when no one is strong enough to tell you not to or brave enough to go with you. This is what is happening to our children, they are raising themselves. These adults do not know how to address the problem because it runs deep and most of time they are too late. Is it the fast-paced society and money hungry dynamics that are responsible for parents not raising their children? Are children so disconnected with their parents that children can only relate to children? Are parents taking too much of a backseat until the child feels neglected?
I don't want to be the preachy type; I want to the helping type. The issues these children face are deep; they are the heartaches a 30 year old cannot take and it is a shame that age 12 and 13 they still hold that guilt. This generation is heartless because their soul is gone. Their mind cannot cope so they search at the end of the bottle for hope; they search at the end of a pipe for clarity. They just want to be free and they can't take it anymore; they get bold and the ink of numerous tattoos floods their skin. Being in pain and having downfalls should never be cool but it is the norm. This world tells children to grow up fast, take drinks to make yourself laugh, have sex to feel, get high to balance your lows and this shows an open wound should not be covered with a band-aide. In a world like this I cannot relate to the heartache but everyone tells me Precious stay the same. How can I move forward? How can I shine my light in a room full of darkness when I can't found a friend full of hope? It's hard; the battle is long so a leader is what I will become.

The "Poetic Leader" Phoenix

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