Boredom+Youtube+ Thinking About Fashion= This :)

So, this is my fifth day on Christmas break; I'm already bored. So as I said in my previous blog about upgrading my winter collection, I want to change my image. I'm young and I would to explore different images since I have mastered my hair. Searching on youtube, I came up with trying makeup. I just recently started wearing eyeshadow last year but I never felt like it was making a difference to my look. My eyeshadow felt very subtle or it just stayed on my eyelids; it didn't blend. Eyeliner and mascara didn't really make a difference in my eyes when I put it on; so I gave up on it. While watching these youube videos, I thought maybe I should try mascara again. At first the look was very dramatic and I was looking for an everyday look, not so fancy. Here are the end results!

Winter Online Christmas Shopping

So, I was browsing online for booties to complete my winter wardrobe but to my dismay all booties were standard. There were no eye-poppin designs or colors; I was so disappointed but this what I should expect from ubiquitous websites. I went to Macy's, Forever21, Charolette Russe, Sears, etc. Then, I tried Victoria's Secret, beautiful booties but the prices were outrageous. So, many designer shoes and I have no designer money. I was considering giving up until I typed in women's booties in google; the site that popped up was a money saver. Since I am in the mood for giving and Christmas is around the corner please treat your self to stylish affordable booties. I posted some pictures of the top five booties. There are numerous colors for each style which is a plus. Shop till' you drop! Happy Hoildays!

Go here ---> http://www.urbanog.com/

The "Fashionable" Phoenix

Destiny

i know i am destined for greatness

It's just that obstacles keep hitting me in my face

And it hurts sometimes

i know I'm destined for greatness

it's just that every time i go to bat i miss

i know I'm destined for greatness

And these hardships will be my laughter on my best days

i know I'm destined for greatness

so my mis-steps never let me fall

they just change the course

so i jog

To the finish line with last bit i have left.

Let my greatness tell my story

Let my hardships inspire all

i know my greatness will never fail.

i know these high mountains lead to treasures that are immeasurable.

© Precious"The Phoenix" Dorch-Robinson

"Somebody Blew Up America"

I came to this because of Kanye West's song "Lost In the Woods". I want to write like this again!! So listen and write. I'm out

Love The "Creative" Phoenix

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Check Out: declaremagazine.com/

Untitled

I will not let a man deflower me

if he does not know my name

I will not let a man deflower me

if he does not know the language of my movement

if he does not know the movement of my stride

if he cannot become one with my stride

I will not let a man deflower me

if he can not read jumbled up words that don't have a flow but i am insistent and I tell him it is my poem

I will not let a man deflower me

If he can not deal with my kinks

my curly hair days

because getting a press it just takes too long

I will not let a man deflower me

if he can not deal with my silent words on the phone or my short texts throughout the day because Im just not feeling it.

If you can not feel me

I mean have those

where you just miss me text

in the middle of night just to hear my reply

just to know that i am alive

if I can not have those i miss you text

that really mean

im attached to your mind heart and soul and your body is bonus

I will not let a man deflower me

If our converations do not flow

If you can not finish my sentences

then I know

you were not even listening

I will not let a man deflower me

If he does not understand that battles of my allergies

And I'm not playing those day where I can't move.

My body swelled up from this harsh environment and this food

Until my skin make look like a burt victim

and my eyes are always watery and I can't stop crying

If you can not fathom those days

then please stop trying

if your getting to this part of the poem and you just disagree because it's just a little too long and i may come on too strong

or it's getting a little too deep

well I'm a poet

an artist and im sensitive about my sh....

But i can not

I can not let a man deflower me

if he can not understand the definition of me

the defintion of Precious

WHO ARE WE: WHAT? WHO ARE WE: WHAT? WHO ARE WE: FEARLESS, HEARTLESS SOULS..

I always liked group discussion; or so I thought I did. I realized I like listening more; everyone seems to be intune with each others thought process. There's a mutual understanding of where everyone is coming from but then there's me. I watch everyone's opinions flow out so effortlessly like they have answered these questions before, like they're an expert. No one is an expert because even an expert is still learning. Everyone says their piece and I wonder why I still to feel isolated; why can't I relate: I am different. I am the person people would call pure because I have not been through an episode of "16 and pregnant"or "When I Was 17". I do not have the scars on my body that show the pain of a miscarriage, the pain of an ex-boyfriend, the pain of living on edge at the age of 14. I do not know what that feels like but I scruntize the pain rooted deeply in their eyes, splling out of their hearts. They search for answers in dark corners and confide in people who are only a step away from their own situation. Where are the adults: No where. These men and women at the age of 20 still struggle with the dark mistakes and pain of when they where ten because no one was wise enough to lead them. And still there is no one wise enough to lead them now but they are too stubborn and they insist on figuring things out. And when stubborness takes course it is too late; too late for chastisizing.

The discussion of this round circle is a little overwhelming I have no expertise in this type of pain; the room is silent. I want to say something but what can i say without making them feel guilty. In one way it's not their fault because a family, a stable family is suppose to be there. When you scrape your knee, they are suppose to be there. When you made a mistake, they are suppose to be there. It's so common to go down a dark road when no one is strong enough to tell you not to or brave enough to go with you. This is what is happening to our children, they are raising themselves. These adults do not know how to address the problem because it runs deep and most of time they are too late. Is it the fast-paced society and money hungry dynamics that are responsible for parents not raising their children? Are children so disconnected with their parents that children can only relate to children? Are parents taking too much of a backseat until the child feels neglected?

I don't want to be the preachy type; I want to the helping type. The issues these children face are deep; they are the heartaches a 30 year old cannot take and it is a shame that age 12 and 13 they still hold that guilt. This generation is heartless because their soul is gone. Their mind cannot cope so they search at the end of the bottle for hope; they search at the end of a pipe for clarity. They just want to be free and they can't take it anymore; they get bold and the ink of numerous tattoos floods their skin. Being in pain and having downfalls should never be cool but it is the norm. This world tells children to grow up fast, take drinks to make yourself laugh, have sex to feel, get high to balance your lows and this shows an open wound should not be covered with a band-aide. In a world like this I cannot relate to the heartache but everyone tells me Precious stay the same. How can I move forward? How can I shine my light in a room full of darkness when I can't found a friend full of hope? It's hard; the battle is long so a leader is what I will become.

The "Poetic Leader" Phoenix

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FAMU HOMECOMING 2010 WITH J. COLE AND WALE

Well, what can I say except it has been a great week maybe the greatest week here thus far. Homecoming events for me started on Monday night at the new gym when Chrisette Michelle came out singing "Fragile". That was the only song I knew by her because I am not a true fan but she is a great performer especially with her emotions. I love how she said "I love you FAMU" as though she met each one of us before. I honestly was not expecting her to come out, it was truly a surprise to me because I was expecting it to be a joke. The host screamed "Chrisette Michelle" and I was pondering. Is this going to be a look-a-like or someone who sounds like her? I'm thinking this is a talent show so maybe the host calls out every talent like they are a famous musician. But there she was in the flesh singing her heart out on stage and begging for crowd participation. The crowd seemed a little bit uninterested which did not bother her true fans lip singing and screaming out of key. I could feel their love for her and I opened up my heart to her to see what did they love? She seems really down-to-earth and so had alot of energy with a great combination for an artist. Sadly, I had to leave the Comedy/Talent show early but according to my room mates and friends I did not miss anything because the comedian was a bored with sexual innuendos. Even though last year there were sexual innuendos I could actually laugh at them and that was not the comedian's main joke. But I am guessing that was the subject of every comedian's joke this year. It is a shame how sex has become the headline to get people's attention. So leaving out of that gym upset that I had to miss this event because a crucial meeting that aids my craft, I am elated to hear Chrisette was the best performance that night. Unfortunately my meeting was canceled last night so I could have stayed and participate in the crowd doing the wave on less than mediocre performers. Yes, I will admit Florida A&M is tuff crowd but our peer are always the hardest to please but I applaud those students who participated.

The next day tuesday I had a study session for my journalism class which was so unfocused and unorganized. Yea that was disappointing at 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. I sat at a round table with six class mates to talk about adverbs, adjectives and subject-verb agreement. Oh the joy, I know that is not the way I should feel about my major but sometimes it is so tedious, I get frustrated with the rules and trying to remember them. But in between studying we discussed the comedian, Kevin Hart who has a new dvd named "Seriously Funny". We looked at YouTube videos by Hotdamnirock who is hilarious, he just talks about the funny side of life in a real way. He is not corny at all, some of the subjects he talks about are things everyone has witness in their life so it does not matter who you are you can still relate. But with all the laughter there was less studying so we need someone out of the group that will get us on track.

The following day Wednesday I had a Geography Test and my last test was suppose to be Friday morning but it was changed on wednesday afternoon to thursday afternoon. Changing the test date was bitter sweet becuase I would be able to sleep in but then again that means I have to really study now. After that last test I was drained it was wednesday and raining which did not seem like Homecoming to me so I went home. I had time to take a nap before my five-thirty class but I was so drained I could not even sleep. So after I feel asleep in my five-thirty class I was ready to go home. Three test in a row I was stressed and and tired, asking the week to just end. On friday I intended to sleeo and study but I ended up getting my nails done which got messed up but saturday trying to wash my hair. Yes I was upset fifteen dollars down the drain. So, friday was a fun day and it reduced the stress of this week.

THEY'RE SUPPOSE TO PROTECT US BUT THEY CONTINUE TO PROTECT THEMSELVES AND SHOOT US.

My emotions are always sporadic when incidents like this appear ever few months but my eyes always have the same emotion of sadness. My heart aches; how do you send your son to college out of state and receive him in a body bag? It's harsh reality of police brutality and what makes it worst is that it is so ubiquitous with black males. Black males are so rare, so strong, so distinct but they are taken from this earth daily and I shed tears every time because I know that's one less father, one less son, one less brother, one less nephew or uncle erased too soon. These incidents can easily cause trepidation or mutiny in a young black male's eyes whenever he sees "the boys in blue" because he may think of what his parents or mother has told him, to obey the law, stay out of trouble or cooperate with the officer. It is a shame to walk out your house and feel unprotected towards police because sometimes their judgment cannot be trusted. They are supposed to protect civilians but instead too many times we are mistaken for a criminal. This mistaken identity always causes the innocent to die; the ones that were trying to stay away from the situation. RIP Danroy Henry a 20-year-old football player from Pace University. I know you were innocent, I know you probably had that look I your eyes that I must obey the office and follow instructions. I know my condolences cannot bring this young man's life back along with Amadou Diallo, Patrick Dorismond, Timothy Stansbury Sean Bell and Ayana Jones. Also condolences to the lives lost in similar situations but their story did not make it to the paper but it was left at the crime scene. I wish guns didn't hurt and words can heal but that is not the way the world works. Police departments really need to sit down with their officers and have a psychiatrists on call because I know they endure a lot on a daily basis and they are all on edge. The only way to reduce the police brutality incidents is to make sure officers have a time where they can release their problems because this is an oppressive situation. Officers adrenaline are pumping at the scene but that adrenaline takes the life of innocent people and I can't cry anymore for this because crying doesn't help only making a difference does.

The "Emotional" Phoenix

If you would like to know more about the fatal shooting of Danroy Henry please follow the link and pass this message to others.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/10/20/sen-brown-takes-case-massachusetts-football-players-death/

The "Emotional" Phoenix

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WHEN AND WHERE? DO YOU REMEMBER ? WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

I used to know this girl. She was the fashionable out of the two of us. I think of her often, she left me or maybe I left her; we stopped talking in 2006 when I moved. But our distance grew in 2007 when I couldn't seem to contact her, the person I missed the most. I lost her in my methods of assimilation, she forgot and I couldn't remember our friendship. It seemed like an alternate reality. Looking for comfort and love I didn't noticed she got packed away in an unopened box in the living room written with the name Precious. Maybe that was her when the mic to my beloved karaoke system broke. It was her when I wore my brown boots in the dirt, it was her when I ran on that track during vigorous practices, it was her when I wore a fanny pack. It was her and sometimes when I realized I lost her I look in the places where we enjoyed each others company the most. I catch a Jetblue flight to the Big Apple in search of her, sometimes I find her sometimes I don't and most of the times she doesn't back with me on the plane. She is my fourteen year old self, when I fall a look for pieces of her to cover my scars. She was a different kind of artist from I am now she was conscious but never truly had time to think as meticulously as she does now. She was free and she was unaware of peoples' harsh motives, so I guess you can say she was blindfolded and deaf but not naive. I miss her so I look for her every summer even december if I can in the Big Apple where we enjoyed each others company the most. So what is happiness the days when we reunite or the days where she is forgotten and I just live my life.

The "Lost" Phoenix

Poetry

Late Night Listener

Remember when I use to text you

Hours before dawn

When sleeping kids dream of beautifully painted pictures

Before the roaster croaks

Before when you held on to every word I type like it would be the last time you read it

Remember that

Well I reminsce my love of the late night listener

I ramble on about life and my expectances

And you agree or throw in your two cents

But one night I stopped

I stopped telling you my thoughts because I wanted to become your late night listener

Sadly my inbox was empty

Your thoughts did not fill one line

My sent messages of questions invaded your mind

Was I asking too much?

Can a listener ever talk?

I let my listener go one night

But he never came back.

SECOND YEAR, NEW GAMES

First of all this might be the longest blog ever but this is because this is another experience in my life that I have learned from, it's so interesting this tricky game of chess. I have no idea where to start except if you know the type of person I am, you know I am quiet but I have a lot of heart and I am very generous. I make the craziest facial expressions when I agree disagree or when I'm uninterested. Last year at FAMU I was in the cafe and I was having a conversation with these two guys on how the view girls. This was the most funniest conversation I have had and it was so real, there was no sugar-coating. They just told me how they felt especially there reaction when they get rejected. You know what I agreed that rejection does hurt your ego but to lash out and insult the girl well that was just unacceptable. They guys explained to me when they are trying to talk to a girl their attention grabber is "Aye Girl". Now "Aye Girl" to me, in my eyes is annoying because number one that is not my name. I know you are trying to get my attention but you could say excuse me how are you doing? Sometimes none of that works but I would rather hear "Hi, how are you doing" more than "Aye Girl", "Lil' Mama","Sweetheart" or the infamous "Come Here Girl". These terms are so broad and sometimes depending on the tone so disrespectful. But if the male does not get the response that he wants because he has put his self out there, all hell breaks lose. The terms become vulgar or physical by a pull of your arm, which is disrespectful to a lady because she does not know you.

So back to topic when a male's ego is hurt him lashing out is a way for him to feel better about his rejection. But when they are ignored with no response at all well then the girl is called stuck up which not necessarily true. She could just not want to be bother with a conversation, she wants you to get out of her face or the one everyone seems to ignore, shyness. Some guys fail to remember every girl is not the same, not every girl is the type to go toe-to-toe with insults, not every girl is going to sit there and flirt with you, bat her eyes and give you her number. Some girls just want you to leave them the ___ alone. No girl can be placed in a box, no girl is the same so your approach with every girl should fit her personality. Most importantly as hard as rejection is you have to end it on a positive note.

The "Boxless"Phoenix

MISSING

With everything in front of me glittering and shiny sometimes I may take a dull item and I wonder why everyone else refuses to accept its beauty. Is it me I wonder? do I love going against the grain? Am I truly a coping of essential woman that gave me life. Am I her? Is she attatched to me so strongly I was never me? I never wanted to be the ugly girl, the beautiful one, the ditzy one or the strong one that takes hard work to break. I wanted to be the mysterious, girl next door that everyone always says is really laid back and easy to talk to; I mean don't get me wrong. I am that girl but sometimes I look around and I know, I just know I'm better than label. I mean labels and me well they use to never exist but for some reason they are creeping in slowly. I have a debate on whether this is good or bad. Change is essential to growing, living and loving; change can not be ruled out. I wonder sometimes is it the woman emerging from inside, is it the woman telling me that this old rules in mind must diminish for growth. I am not one full with vunerablity, that's only for trustworthy people. I have know idea it seems lately I'm in need of more like there is something that is missing, I'm thinking it has to do with social or career moves. Even making my career a sucessful one by being more social. It just seems so unreal to me and something like that I would need to truly act out. Everyone in the 21st century is great at lying and I have realized that's the way life works. There are so many skills I have not learned yet and it makes me realize I am growing. These are not skills you can learn from your parents but they are skills you learn from mentors and associates. So for now I am looking for life and learning to live.

Love "Inspiring" Phoenix

Reread, Corrections, Revise,

There are many aspects of my life that I feel are loose or need to be re tied tighter. College allows you to experience varies peoples' lives in a short period of time and this is an essential part of living. When you are analyzing yourself do not belittle yourself for ignorance, everything is a learning process. If you don't use what you learn then there is a problem because you're not living.

I've learned I am a strong person but I'm not the type to ask for help constantly because i want to solve my problem on my own. But when you solve everything by yourself you can never learn another way, possibility a quicker way. "No one follows the rules and rules are made to be broken", my mother always tells me, and all the wisdom my parents hold are now coming into retrospect. Since their wisdom is now the highlight of my life this means I am truly am an adult, looking out and protecting for myself. Sometimes I may overwhelm myself with the steps of growing up because I see some many people and I feel they hold characteristics that I feel I all ready should have, basically I'm playing catching up with life.

I'm unsure of where to start and I'm feeling as though it's impossible but I know that is lie. I'm working on rebuilding and becoming a greater woman because I know where I'm suppose to be in my life, I see it clear as day, I'm so sure. I'm just looking for the path and people that guide me there. I might have to take an acting class to become someone else to block my barriers of succeeding. Everything takes a different path to get to a red light but who takes off first when the light turns green is ahead of everybody.

The "Thinker" Phoenix

LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX!!

THIS IS A SHORT INTERPRETATION ABOUT SEX FROM MY POINT OF VIEW

Being a virgin, sex is not like candy you can't just pick one and try it. I mean you try the wrong one and you'll get more than a bitter after taste. So I think it's better to wait until you find someone you truly love and not lust after because you're wondering can he make your body shake. Most importantly what can he do for your mind, how does he treat your spirit? I think it may be difficult for some when they reach the nirvana with a man, that satisfaction and then they wonder why they got burned. Yes it was a mis step or what have you but at least learn for it, I mean the same high in sex you can get that when reaching a goal. It's all about your mind state because when you are totally focused sometimes you won't even think of sex. Sex is apart of life just don't misuse it or abuse it because it does create a life...the phoenix

NEW BEGINNINGS

So, over the summer I had revealations about my future and where I feel I should be within this point of my life. Currently I am a sophomore at FAMU in Tallahassee, FL and I have high expectations of myself and I'm looking forward to the necessary changes to achieve my goals of becoming successful in Journalism. Still on the fence about weather I would like to major in broadcast or Magazine Journalism but one thing that I''m certain about is making a difference within people's lives and encouraging them to become greater than themselves. A quest of paying it forward I guess because when I saw that movie with Jodie Foster, Kevin Spacey and Joel Osteen it really moved me. This is a very inspirating film about reaching out to help others and creating a spiritual connection between human beings, in my opinion. It feels so good to actually know that your helping other people and it feels good when people help you and it produces a general positive feeling. Not many people are able to experience that and it makes so much sense to me now how important volunteering is to your community.

Today was my first class Language Skills for Media which is an essential class within Journalism. This was bitter/sweet because I know that this now the start of my career and

I have to actually know and understand all of this material which requires immense dedication.

Summer's End

Even though I have two weeks until I actually get back to school I am leaving New York in three days. There really isn't so much of a bitter sweet feeling because in actuality I am ready to leave, ready to get on that plane and fly away from the Yonkers aka the black cloud. I mean this summer has been truly a summer of revamping, numerous mind states, epiphanies, mending and ending relationships. I cut ties and knotted some together, life is what it is, you learn and grow. I still have alot of growing to do and steps to make. To be exceptional you can not whaddle in the middle because the middle is mediocrity. When you are mediocre you are put in the bottom box and you are not near the top, you can not smell the creme of the crop. Life consists of numerous groups and being the middle group I've realized is the same as settling. I know there are times when you do have to settle but I refuse to be mediocre; I refuse to not take this big step in my life that separates me from the crowd. My quest this fall is to become exceptional, to follow my career and find people who represent how I feel. More to come I am no longer in fear of the top, I will thrive I will be success in everything I do. Make sure you surround yourself with people that are socially aware and are intune with their aspirations. I am ready to enhance more art of learning and living

Love Always. Laugh Hard. Live Strong.

The Phoenix

Starting From Scratch & Then Some

I have been in New York for the whole summer looking for jobs, emailing poetry cafes to TV stations. I have worked hard trying to make connections, taking breaks and even feeling hopelessly lost in this cut throat world of media. It feels like there are big doors that I can't find and forget about looking for a key. So, volunteering was my next option but I started thinking about money for transportation which comes to a job. I wanted to come back to campus polished, accomplished and to have an essential experience. As my favorite singer Aaliyah says, "If God Gave You Talent You Should Go For It. But don't Think It's Going To Be Easy, It's Hard". This is true but if you find the right connections everything will run much smoother but when you feel like your connections are short or fizzled out, then what? Look for a model, look for someone who has done it all, look for someone who is where you would like to be. Everyone blazes their own path but that does not mean you can not follow until you find your own. I am not saying go out into the world as a copy cat of your model but watch what they do and create a similar blueprint. My mother has told me how to achieve my dreams; she has given advice but it takes time to go through everything. Sometimes words sound so easy when you write or speak about them but action is everything. On my way to becoming the polished young woman I can see in my eyes and feel in my heart. I will make it, I'm ready to drive but I'm in search of a vehicle.

Never give up even when you feel like that door is closed because that door may not be ready for you to open. You may be a level up and skipped a task or two which will aid to finding the magic key to open the door.

The Phoenix

A GIRL'S LIFE IN 2010

So I'm analyzing the relationships of the youth and there is no foundation. No basic respect for any one's feelings, no commitment to that person, let alone love. There are varies types of girls but right now I am analyzing the girls that get attached to the the aspect of a relationship. They may want a relationship but they have never defined what makes up a relationship so they always find themselves in a somewhat hole. I call it a hole because they have to jump into in, fall into it or maybe pushed and they must dig themselves out. Digging out takes time because no matter how deep sometimes they just can't get out. They keep falling in that hole and mistaken it for a relationship. It takes an outsider to give them a rope and pull them out and sometimes someone may take a ladder and carry you out. A relationship takes a lot of giving and compromises but depending how deep even sacrifices. Some women forget their best interest at heart and they need that special person to make them whole or to feel wanted. But they should not make you feel whole unless this is love which is another subject. This person should make you feel like an improved version of yourself and even if they leave you they have showed you steps to become a better person. People have forgotten the definition of a true relationship and sometimes even a friendship. Please know the difference between hurting and helping,know the difference a friend and lover, know when to let go and hold on, know when to jump in but most importance how to get out. Everything has a time limit or an expiration date, things get old due to maturity and time. Just know when you have matured and it's time to let go. Keep your hearts close, eyes open and sometimes legs closed but mind always thinking.

The Phoenix

Procrastination (Maybe It's The Id)

Only one month and one day left until my summer is officially over; I'm thinking maybe I should of just stayed in school this summer. This whole summer I have searched for internships and jobs; in my opinion i have been working pretty hard for my summer dreams. It's just very depressing when you keep working and you look for your results and for some reason you can't find them. I shake my head, for the first time in my life I was going to give up my dreams and that's something I have never done before. It felt awkward to feel like you should be doing something productive but you let procrastination control you with idle thoughts. Becoming an idle mind is the devil's workshop and I made a promise to myself I would never become idle. My mom's joke was "Maybe you have the Id",that was not even funny, maybe it was true. But thinking about it now Id is only caring for self not procrastination. Energy is a low odd because I'm taking vitamins, maybe I need my oils and salmon but I don't know. Confusion leads the front lines this summer and I despise every minute. Furthermore I still have not told him what he needs to hear, I'm saying actions speak louder than words. He doesn't even speak anymore and I'm looking for something more entertaining because he definitely isn't it, maybe he was in the beginning. But it's completely opposite now, as always insatiable, trying to find the light so I can shine.

The Phoenix

LOVERS AND FRIENDS 2010

I believe that there are people in your life that you meet to early and sometimes too late. Some people you will become friends with and lovers later or lovers before friends and maybe both. In my life currently I feel that we are too early, we are connected in some form but we have found each other too early. So I let go, you let go and we will return to each other later. My feelings for you are for who I know you can be so when I speak to you I speak of the future not our past relationship or our present. This does not mean speed up the process of who you are for me; you must do that on your own. I cannot give all of myself to you and I should not. I have goals and priorities I must attend to that make me who I am. If I stop for you how can I grow as a person? How can I be the woman I must be? They always say build yourself up before you can be with another person. This is so true. I was never a person to look for a relationship; I always thought that it comes when it comes so why rush it? So why rush this? Everyone always hates the “we can be friends” and they forget there is later on. So in the words of Erykah Badu “Another Lifetime”.

The Phoenix

Job Hunt

A job hunt is when you run around like a maniac looking for a job; it can be part-time. temporary, full-time it doesn't matter. It's still a hunt for a job and currently I have been filling out applications for a month and this so called waiting process is not helping. I have emailed numerous places for internships, I mean I was gun-hun for a paid internship but now I don't care about money, I truly want experience. When you have experience in your field you can analyze what you have learned and you can ask yourself "Is this something I love doing"? I can't even ask that because I have no experience and I would think people love molding young minds but I've come to the conclusion that maybe I'm too late. Deadlines have passed but I'm hoping for a miracle. I love words, how they flow together, how they make someone feel emotions. Communication is extremely important because that is how we form relationships. I would really like the chance to live out my dreams or at least revamp my dreams through numerous experiences that I've had. At least one month or something, life always gives you roadblocks but you have to find the tools to make a bulldozer. I love my life but always remember to be insatiable because it's apart of growing and exploring. It's the only way to open the mind.

The Phoenix

Summer In Yonkers

Yonkers, NY is my hometown that I visit every summer. Even though I've lived in Florida for five years I still call New York home. My aunt, uncles and cousins still live there so I always have a place to stay. I noticed each summer how Yonkers is changing for the better and sometimes unfortunately changing for the worse. Nevertheless, as long as I'm hanging out with family and friends it will feel like old times before I left.

Last summer, in Yonkers I noticed many of the low income homes were knocked down and replaced with by a big empty lot. It was very devastating because the government kicked out the people who have been there for years. Their apartments were filled with generations of memories. Now these memories are lost in between the rocks, ruble and dirt. Down the street from this empty lot are new apartment buildings; it was like a sore thumb. It looks like it doesn't belong because of the infamous Ashburton liquor store.

People who are broken and lost still trying to find their way must feel like their home was ripped from underneath them. The government is rebuilding Yonkers street by street and kicking out the people that so called "don't belong" or match the new image of Yonkers. The remodeling started at the Downtown Waterfront, which I admitted is wonderful because it's in front of the Hudson River. They built a boardwalk with apartments along the Hudson; people are walking their dogs and having picnics. It looks beautiful to watch the mountains and feel the breeze.

During the summer I picked up a brochure of events held at the waterfront.    
The remodeling truly brights lights to certain places within Yonkers but the people of Yonkers are in need of guidance especially the young kids. There are programs like the YMCA, and Y.T.I.(Youth theatre Interactions). I used to be a member of Y.T.I. and it truly helped me interact with kids my age that wanted to perform and better their life. Y.T.I. is a performing arts school for ages 5-18; I was there for five years until I moved. There are not enough programs for the youth or outlets for the youth to expression themselves. So, many Yonkers teens ride the trains to NYC to relieve the stress of the boredom and the stress of the streets. There are areas in Yonkers that are upscale but some of the kids don't get exposure to these areas.

Sometimes people say Yonkers has a black cloud over it and that was an expression I never did understand. I was always busy in school and occupied with sports or dance; I never felt the cloud but this summer I did. When I was looking for internships and applying for jobs it was rough; I fell into a slump. I named it the ID which I think some people in Yonkers go through, to dwell on negativity. When people around the neighborhood look broken, it's depressing. It puts a damper on your psyche and your thoughts change, your light is taken away. I feel it being taking away each day until I only had a little light left and I knew I had to leave.

My mind told me, I couldn't do it anymore so I changed my flight back to Orlando. that's how desperate I was, I paid about $200 to change  my flight. I would take a bus to White Plains, New York everyday just to escaped the dreariness. It was a great relief especially since I was volunteering there at the White Plains Performing Arts Center. It just felt great to be near more positive people who spoke about their goals. Most of my friends were working and we didn't get a chance to hang out which really meant I was just bored by myself most days. I started to actually miss Orlando because at least the sun was shinning and I could see the birds.

It's funny when you're moving so fast and in your own world you don't notice your surroundings. Until I left and came back to Yonkers I noticed people's comments about New York looking dreary. New York is a place where you're moving so fast and you're time is limited; it's do or die. Some people never stop and look at the sky or gaze at the stars; there are too many tall buildings covering the sky. I've come to the terms with not regretting moving anymore. Everything has an expiration date and memories are memories. Everything is a path and on each path you should never see the same thing twice. It's great to explore a new place and have multiple places you call home. New York will always be in my heart as a place that provides timeless memories of childhood and teenage years. I wonder what Yonkers will look like ten years from now because there is already a casino at the racetrack.

Links to Y.T.I. (Youth Theatre Interactions)

Links to Learn More About Yonkers

Love

The "Nostalgic" Phoenix

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MY COMMUNITY OF BLACKNESS

Looking at the dark ceiling in my room instead of sleeping; I'm thinking how much pain the black community still endures. How much help we lack, how as much of us you can count that's on the top the bottom continues to struggle. I ask what can I change how can I approach this essential matter. I think to the movie "Pay it Forward". So, true that consent very inspiring, I realize than that I must create a list.

1. Family

2.. Education

3. Giving Back

4. Traveling

5. Redefining Love

6. Redefining how to chastise a child

7. Redefining what is a woman

8. Redefining what is a man

9. Politics

10. Throughly understanding the possibilities of an education

11. Becoming a mentor

* This list will be changed over time

COMING TO A CLOSE

Its the end of the semester and my last final is friday, I've realized alot of things. Second semester was not like a period of growth but a period of assurance and revealations of who I will become and what paths I choose. Everything that my parents have taught me since birth is true, they are wise and I thank them for raising me with care and instealing me with wisdom. When you are trying to grow and move to another level, no one does it the same, no one enters the same level at the same time. Some people are in your life to show you that you can achieve greatness while others are since to block you from goals. People's personalities can be wrapped up and misery and they can not be helped, so you let them go through their routine. It will take all your energy to steer a lost soul to the light when they are insulting you every step of the way. Growing can not happen if you are with people who did not comprehend the definition of growth and if growth is not in their world that will not understand your actions. The only thing they will do is suck you into their world, their job is now to convert you because it's fun to them, you're like their new experiment. But you know deep inside you are destined for growth but their path collides with yours and it's a struggle of opposites. This is when you must leave this person because you guys are on different pages and it may take years for them to see the world the way you see. Their are different friends for different moods and you can't force a mood on someone. IF YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE YOU WILL NEVER STEAR AWAY FROM YOUR ORIGINAL PATH AND EVEN IF YOU DO YOU'LL STILL COME BACK. I'M THROUGH MY LITTLE DISCOURSE WAS FULL OF LIFE LESSONS AND I ALWAYS KNEW MY PATH I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IF I DIDN'T KNOW, WHAT A SCARY THOUGHT...THE UNKNOWN!!

Dress up Ain't For Everyone

There are so many types of hairstyles for African American women that it would take 1o more blogs to go into detail. Weaves come in so many different textures and numerous colors if I every wore one I won't know which one to pick. But living with natural hair in the state of Florida, it's a pain straighting it because of the humidity. Humidity causes my fresh press hair to look like a just poured a bucket of water on it, so I decided to stop fighting and I do twists out, braid outs, cornrows, bantu knots ect. The curly pattern for braidouts are wonderful but you can get the same affects with weaves which results is this real or fake? As I sat in the library today I witness that scenario a guy hold the door for a girl with curly red brown hair said, "I like your curls". She responded "Oh me, thank you". He said "It's natural right"? Her response was "No" as he said, "What it's not?" while still holding the door. Interesting isn't it it's getting harder to tell the real hair from weave. I have to admit sometimes I can't tell because it's blending so well. I can even buy a weave that matches the texture of my hair for my braidouts to appear longer. But my question is when you take out the weaves and perms do you still love your hair, your texture, yourself. Do you love yourself more when you're made up with big hair and makeup because sometimes we can't all play dress up. Sometimes you have to let that weave out and unleash your true texture. Just know you have to face yourself real or fake hair in that mirror and make sure you have that confidence and self-esteem before you dress up so dressing down won't be a let down. Love from within and love deep before you love the outside me.

The "Real" Phoenix

A DESCRIPTION OF CLOTHES

Whenever a woman gets dressed up wearing something revealing everyone questions her "Who are you getting dressed up for". Why does it have to be that she is dressed up for someone, why can't she be dressed up for herself because she like the way the clothes enhances her best attributes. If she knows she looks good then she will feel go and maybe have a productive day but the clothes do not tell people how she thinks or who she is. People tell people how to think or people tell people to judge a person by what they wear. Society will always be judgemental, it's a way of life you can't help it, I understand that yet a girl is not a hoe based on what material she puts on her body. Women can look sexy and should be able to wear whatever they want without being labeled but it's not reality. So when a woman wants to look sexy just because she is proud of her body there will always be prowlers thinking they know you for the material she puts on that day. Clothes do not make people act a certain way people do.

WHAT IF SYNDROME?

The only way to get over something is admitting how you feel, accepting and finding other things to occupy your time. By occupying your time your feelings will fade. I've re-named infatuation the "what if syndrome" because you never find out if anything is true; you just keep wondering and dreaming. The only way to stop infatuation is to believe in your reality, stay in touch with the present not the past or the future. And when it comes it will come and be in front of you in the flesh. And when you figure out what or who your infatuation really is then you will be able to evaluate your true reality. There will be no more wondering in dreams of what will happen because reality is real. Infatuation is false, it will never be what you thought until you experience it.

The Phoenix

A SHORT REVELATON

ITS SO ANNOYING WHEN YOU CAN'T GET SOMETHING OFF YOUR MIND...IM DO WHAT I DID FIRST SEMESTER IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO GO.....CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUTTA HERE...NY IS GONNA BE A BREATHE OF FRESH AIR CAUSE I'M UP TO MY WITS END, I'M READY TO RELAX AND I'VE LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON I LOOK BETTER DOING ME, I LOOK BETTER WHEN I'M BUSY...AN IDLE MIND IS THE DEVIL'S WORKSHOP...I CONCUR THE BEST QUOTE EVER..I'LL NEVER FOLLOW THE CROWD INTO THE DARKNESS AGAIN IT'S SCARY NOT KNOWING AND LIVING IN A HOLE...I'M THE GREASTEST AS ALWAYS..LOVING ME MORE EACH DAY! I FOUND ME NOW ALL I NEED IS HIM AND THEM AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT.

THE PHOENIX

QUESTIONS WITH NO ANSWERS!!!!!!

IT FUNNY HOW CHICKS SAY THEY AINT CRAZY BUT THEY WILL FIGHT FOR SOMEONE WHO THEY AINT EVEN WITH, CRAZY SELFISH, POSESSIVE, OBESSIVE GIRLS CALM DOWN YA'LL NOT MARRIED SO WHY YOU CUFFIN WHEN YOU KNOW YOU DON'T CARE FOR THE BROTHA.....DUDES DON'T BE WEAK AND WOMEN I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY SMDH...WHY DO YA'LL BOTHER WITH A RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU PUT IN HALF OF YOURSELF?..I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS FOR THIS WORLD AND THEY'RE SOME DUMB THEY CAN'T ANSWER ONE

MY "PRECIOUS" LIFETIME

Throughout my 18 years of living and having conversations, people have analyzed me as a good girl or the unique one of the group. I have been called poetic, laid-back, kind-hearted, inspiring, truthful, dependable, intelligent, optimistic and I have qualities of a leader. With all of that being said I've come to realize, maybe I'm making up stuff but this is what I see, people try hard to be something they are not around me or uphold some sort of expectations that I don't even know about, I guess you can say they're trying to impress me. But I feel as though people think they need to act civilized around me or they will be judged. But besides being judged they feel a need to protect me from the evils of the world yet they try to corrupt me at the same time. They think I'm too nice and they can't wait until I blow a fuse, everyone releases their feelings yet people don't understand I'm not the type to yell, scream or curse you out. That's just not me and even though they admire that I stay true to myself they can't wait until I crack. It's funny people in your life want the best for you and some try to want the best for you but jealously holds them back. Other people may look at me like I'm inexperience because I have not been through a train wreck or ran through the wash and they're right I have not but I have my own battles and I choose the road where it doesn't have to be so harsh because I wanted to live my life that way. Some people think if you haven't struggled you have not lived, I disagree, living is when you are content with whats in front of you but you do not settle for what's in front of you. Yes, there was a struggle to get where you're at but why make it so hard? No one is given a golden spoon and if you were you would not want it because you would be so bored. So, just because my obstacles are not so called "harsh" in your world it does not mean it was easy. This does not mean that I am judging you and that I can not help you. If anything it feels good to give advice but people insist you have to go through heartache and pain and other stuff before you can relate to me, you have to become older. What ever thats b.s. it truly is, I can help only when you open your mind and listen. This is my "Precious" lifetime!

The Phoenix